We always talked about helping others. I noticed that you love helping people, it gives you joy to help others, and I think that’s something we both share. I understand now, when you cannot help me, you don’t feel the joy. In a way you feel like you can’t help me and it may feel like a rejection. I am not rejecting you when you offer help and I say no.
There are times where I should have asked for help and I didn’t, because I thought you couldn’t, which isn’t an excuse, I should have given you a chance. I didn’t ask for help because I was embarrassed and thought you would think less of me. I have problems with helping others and my professor actually pulled me aside from the final and wanted me to write why I felt like I need to be a savoir, and help others so much.
I talked to her after class as a therapist and not a professor. I realized that what I thought was helping, was actually not. I thought all help was good and it’s not. When I go out my way and help others who been helped their whole lives, I’m just feeding into what they want. I’m not letting them learn on their own, and will continue to help, and its actually not helping at all. I am guilty of doing that to you sometimes. I’m always trying to help and it’s not real help and we get stuck in the same cycle.
