DISCLAIMER: The writer of this article is not to be blamed for misuse of the below information, and resemblance to another “Procrastinator’s work is purely coincidental.
Procrastination is something that nearly every student has heard of. And performed. It is an art that has been skillfully mastered and carried out in its various forms by students, worldwide. An ancient legacy passed down from generation to generation. What’s that? Ah yes, procrastination may be incredibly common, but mastering this prestigious tool is a task by itself, so what better than to learn from a certified “Procrastinator”?
So, I see you have the heart to try acquiring this ability? Well, this guide is only for students who want to take their procrastination skills to the next level immediately. Or maybe in…A few more minutes. (Yawn)
Section 1: The Procrastinator’s Toolkit
Essential Items:
• A nice, warm blanket
• The AC and TV remote, keep away from siblings, preferably between the sofa cushions
• Tasty snacks
• A phone with full battery and at least 20 social media apps or games (Refer to Section 1: Procrastination Apps)
• A “Do Not Disturb” sign for the door, feel free to add some extra points like, “Extreme Procrastination, Beware.” or “Careful, Procrastinator at Work.”.
Procrastination Apps:
• YouTube
• Minecraft
• Roblox
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Netflix
• Prime Video
• Disney+
• Facebook
I’ll finish the rest later, after this last game.
Distraction Devices
• Fidget spinners
• Stress balls
• Slime
• Clay
• Sand
• A pet that demands attention at inconvenient times
• Literally anything other than the work that you are supposed to be doing
Section 2: Procrastination Techniques
• The “Just One More Episode” Method: An excellent tool, using this popular method can lead to more than just “one more episode” of a favourite show, and in some serious cases, an all-night binge!
• The “I’ll Start After This Snack” Strategy: Sometimes, taking a quick snack break can lead to a deep dive in the fridge or an impromptu Swiggy order.
• The “Reflection” Technique: This technique is for LAZINESS-THREATENING EMERGENCIES ONLY, for example, your parent points out that you have already procrastinated in previous situations, point out 5 incidents where they have procrastinated.
• The “I’m Not Feeling Well” Excuse: Not in the mood to study? Fake an illness! Cough and fake-sneeze as much as possible, but don’t overdo it, speak in a croaky and weak voice and fake-sleep as much as possible for optimal time-waste. Make sure you don’t use that excuse when there is ice cream in the fridge.
Section 3: Procrastination Myths Busted
• “I Work Better Under Pressure”: What a liar! If you want to work under pressure, do your homework while skydiving… In outer space! You can’t have more pressure than that!
• “I’ll Just Take a Quick Nap’’: An overrated procrastination technique! Although it may sound like a good idea, a quick nap can lead to more than 12 hours of sleep, leaving work untouched!
• “I Need to Research More”: Novice mistake! Endless research can lead to an overload of information but no actual work done.
Section 4: Procrastination Scenarios
The Night Before the Exam: Shyam, a respected guru of procrastination, decides to reorganize his room instead of studying, leaving his exam paper a mess.
The Group Project: Shyam, Raj and Meera have a group project, all three of them certified “Procrastinators” in their 7th year of “Procrastination Studies”, all assume someone else is doing the work, leading to a last-minute scramble.
Urgh… I don’t want to finish this section, give me a minute-
Section 5: Famous Procrastinators
Leonardo da Vinci: Known for taking years to complete projects, including the Mona Lisa, just like the Mona Lisa procrastinated on smiling…And growing eyebrows.
Victor Hugo: Often procrastinated on his writing, famously locking away his clothes to force himself to work.
Bill Clinton: Struggled with punctuality and decision-making during his presidency.
J.K. Rowling: Admitted to procrastinating while writing the Harry Potter series.
Mozart: Composed the overture for Don Giovanni the night before its debut.
Franz Kafka: Known for his procrastination, often delaying his writing.
Dalai Lama: Admitted to procrastinating during his student days.
Hanishka Soni: Yes, myself, the Great Procrastinator, I procrastinated and dragged this article over the course of nearly a week! What did you expect? You are the one reading this article so far!
Procrastination is a universal experience that we all share, and sometimes, it’s just too tempting to resist. Whether it’s binge-watching your favourite show, diving into a new hobby, or simply daydreaming, these moments of delay can bring unexpected joy and creativity. However, it’s important to strike a balance. While it’s okay to indulge in procrastination now and then, remember that getting your work done eventually is key to success.
So, embrace your inner procrastinator, enjoy those moments of distraction, but don’t forget to set aside time to tackle your tasks. After all, the satisfaction of completing your work is just as rewarding as the fun you had putting it off. Happy procrastinating, and I hope you enjoyed this course in procrastination!
March, 2025
